Michiko Fujiwara | May 2010 Essay: “My Filing Book, My Life’s Steering Wheel”
“A Filing Book is a Life Steering Book” Part 1
Last month in this column, I introduced my “gardening file.” And indeed, last month I had an opportunity to introduce files on a TV program. The show was about answering viewers' life problems, and during the preliminary meeting, I mentioned, “If you have such worries, filing them might help clarify your thoughts.” The producer responded, “That’s interesting. We’d love to see your actual filing method on the show,” which led to its introduction.
Photos and text byMichiko Fujiwara
Filing Brings Desires and Thoughts into Sharp Focus
What I presented then was my “style file” from my 30s. By “style,” I don’t just mean favorite clothing coordinates, but rather aspirations like, “I want to become a woman with this kind of aura,” or “I want to be a woman who suits this kind of attire,” or even, “I want to live my life this way.” My filing method, I suppose, is characterized by adding keywords to these photo clippings.
For example, next to an article about Peggy Guggenheim, the avant-garde art collector, I wrote “unconventional.” On the facing page, I filed a photo of a nude model with the word “dignified” written next to it. These words came to me from the article and photo, reflecting my admiration at the time for women who lived unconventionally yet exuded dignity. Elsewhere, a photo showcasing the interior of someone enjoying country living is accompanied by the phrase “leisure to enjoy life.” At that time, I was so busy I had little room for emotional余裕, so this clearly shows my desire back then to one day live a life like that, enjoying the countryside at my own pace.
As I wrote last month, the benefit of filing is that vague desires and subconscious thoughts are brought into clear, sharp focus right before your eyes. From my late twenties to mid-thirties, when I realized this effect, I continued creating my image files. For me, who didn’t yet clearly understand myself, they served as a lighthouse while navigating. Furthermore, by filing, I would clarify things like, “Ah, I admire this kind of woman,” or “This is the kind of life I wanted to live.” Perhaps because this gets imprinted on the brain, my life’s rudder unconsciously steers in that direction. If you drive a car, you know that the steering wheel naturally turns in the direction you are looking; it’s precisely like that.
“A Filing Book is a Life Steering Book” Part 2
I Want to Be Someone with Lightness in Action, Thought, and Life
I had a vague sense of this, which is why I was filing. But the moment I became clearly convinced of it was actually when I opened these old filing books again for the TV program.
Because now, I am enjoying a country life here at my home in Shimoda, just like in these photos! Of course, it’s not as wonderful as what’s in the files, but the direction is certainly aligned. For better or worse, images manifest to a greater or lesser extent—perhaps life is simpler than we think.
Incidentally, for the past few years, several photo clippings have been taped to the wall in front of my desk at home (top photo). They capture fleeting moments of dancers, and when I saw them, I strongly felt, “I want to be light and graceful like this!” I want to be someone with lightness in action, lightness in thought, and lightness in life. I also aspire to have a lean physique like the dancers in the photos, and a clear, simple mindset befitting such a body.
—Several years have passed since then. I don’t know yet if I’m walking a life aligned with that direction. But I hope that someday, the day will come when I can look back and think, “Ah, because I felt that way back then, this is where I am now,” with nostalgia (not regret!).
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