I believe that only those who can forgive themselves can forgive others.

Even if someone of noble character, endowed with intelligence and virtue, were to say, "I accept all others," they would not be practicing "coexistence," but merely "endurance."

They endure the pressing needs of unpleasant others as one endures filth and foul odors.
But such patience does not last long.

"Coexisting with others" is not about "enduring others." It is about finding "some of the same things in myself" among the multiple personality traits that constitute "others," and acknowledging that "this other person is, in part, myself."

Omitted midway

Break down one's logic into fine pieces. Break down one's emotions.
Break down one's body. If you break it down to the molecular or elemental level, you will see that any person's unique personality traits are merely permutations and combinations of a few basic elements.
Therefore, the issue is "how you break it down." Break yourself down as finely as possible. The more you break it down, the more elements you can share with others.

Excerpted from "The Age of Curses" by Tatsuki Uchida.

Once upon a time, I was called a "laughter instigator."
I myself had no such perception, not in the slightest,
and I was cynical, thinking that's just how the world is,
but one day, I believe it was while driving around Akasaka,
I confirmed the State Guest House directly in front of me, turned the steering wheel left, and went down the slope. I tried to look to my right, but the thick concrete pillars supporting the highway repeatedly blocked my view, making it hazy. To my left, I was surprised to find a moat where one could even fish; Tokyo, with couples leisurely rowing boats by the water, a hidden gem guide for Tokyo, I was daydreaming in the car. Then, a thought suddenly struck me: isn't laughter about how closely and delicately one can observe human actions? It suddenly posed the question. I had no mental preparation, no safety net, no setup, no knowledge, no disaster drill, so what if I faltered midway? Oh no, how embarrassing. So, I still can't explain it properly, but Uchida-sensei's "it depends on how you break it down" is precisely "the way things unfold." It's like a movie, but perhaps it's the root of the Rube Goldberg machine. Setting that aside, both are wonderful, of course. So, isn't laughter something that happens when people are completely absorbed, intensely focused, without even noticing, and without looking sideways?
Isn't laughter born in the moment when the intensely focused person suddenly notices the gaze of others, who are watching their actions with a cool detachment?

No. That's not what I wanted to say.

The problem is that such patience does not last long.

Endurance is bad! From endurance to understanding, from patience to how you break it down.

"Small is wonderful" is not necessarily bad.
If you put in the time and effort, that is.
Questioning myself is like the hardship of rehabilitation.
I don't know what rehabilitation is actually like, but I imagine so.
Because my right arm still won't go up.
And people often say to me,

"You always say such wise things, but are you doing it yourself? Can you change yourself?"

That's right. If you're happy, show it with your actions. That's right.

Frankly,

there has always been a large stone in front of me.

It's too big for me to move.

Since I can't move it, I have no choice but to walk around it every day.

The stone says, "It can't be helped."

So, there were times when I pretended it wasn't there, or that I didn't see it.

There were times when I tried to convince myself it would disappear.

But that's what Uchida-sensei means by patience and endurance.

I understand. I will no longer run away from the fact that the stone exists.

I no longer think it's unpleasant or unlike myself to walk around it.

If I feel like bumping into it, I will bump into it.

I don't mind bleeding from my forehead. I'm used to pain.

I want to try following Uchida-sensei's concept of "coexistence."

"I believe that only those who can forgive themselves can forgive others."

It's huge. Just how big is this stone?

For today, I'll just acknowledge its existence.

That's right, I have the Zundoko Bushi.

No, not 'La',
it's 'Re, Relele, no, Re-Romanesque's Zundoko Bushi.

Are you ready? Here I go.

Everything's going great, everyone♪
Aiya! (Woman)
While taking a walk on a Sunday morning
I was feeding breadcrumbs to pigeons
And stepped in dog poop♪
Shit! (Woman)

Everything's going great, everyone
Aiya! (Woman)
The city station I liked
None of the subways were running
The escalators were also under maintenance♪
Shit! (Woman)

~Interlude Music~

Sore! (Woman)
Zun zun zun zun zu zu doko♪

Everything's going great, everyone
Aiya! (Woman)
While taking a walk on a Sunday morning
I was feeding breadcrumbs to pigeons
And stepped in dog poop♪

TU TU TU TU TUTUTUTUTUUUUUUUUUUUU... DOOM DOOM DOOM DOOM DOOM YOKO DOOM DOOM DOOM DOOM DOOM YOKO... DOOM DOOM DOOM DOOM DOOM YOKO DOOM DOOM DOOM DOOM DOOM YOKO



← Diary-T 177-182